What Would Justin Do (first draft)
As a Christian, we’re always looking for ways to make the church how you say, cool. Well at least seem less stuffy and outdated. So that how we came up this: WWJD What Would Justin Do. Our new messier, Justin Timberlake.
WWJD
(Need a bit of an introduction)
You sir, what you should do is seduce that beautiful lady their by use of some strange body popping movement, and then when you inevitably split up, make a porno film of have sex with a prostitute and send it too here, just to piss her off. It’s the lord’s way.
Sex is very confusing for us Christians
First on all we’re had to learn to talk dirty from reading the bible ‘I’m going to ‘ ‘And of the fourth day, I shall plunge your world’ some clever Christians dirty talking.
But all of the this
Suddenly complicated pieces of the female anatomy that I can’t describe using the full extent of language skills, and now I have to describe it and how to using grunts and groans. And I image that you, with your inferior non-fundamentalist teaching must have some of you still believe in dinosaurs.
Not only do you have to deal with
But it doesn’t really matter, because there is only one way you can talk to your loved one during your more intimate moments. And that using the language of Love, no it not fench and certainly not American. No it the prehistoric art of grunts and bodyal function nosies.
Bit of the human female antinomy that I can’t describe using the Human language I have to ask for direction to their usage in grunts.
What you want faster, (Bad groans) slower, (Bad groans) err dairy Lea (Good groans), Kids will do anything for dairy Lea.
(If the audience groan)
What, It was a Choirboy.
It’s a Christian tradition
It’s in the bible somewhere.
But I’ve just about mastered it now, go on give me any grunt or moans and she If I can figure out what your trying to say.
POI
First try:
Second try:
Third try:
Ahh I don’t know!
Craig David
How does he seem to understand women?
What do you want ‘A drink please, anything to drink’
Maybe ‘Craig David mum wanting him to come up for Tea’
I live with my Parents. And will do forever!!!
With no hope of ever buying my own house until both my parents die at 200, then it will be my kidney dialysis machine next to the telly.
Two choices Renting and living at home.
The Whole Language of Love is compressed down to sticking a dirty gym socks in her mouth and saying for god Sake Don’t Cum.
Carriage Clocks
And it never going to end because letting agency are the only people who can afford property. They even know how to screw pensioner out of their homes. They figured out that pensioner will do anything for a shinny carriage clock. It’s the pensioners equivalent of dairy lea!
Carriage clocks are like dairy lea for pensioners. So I have a plan I’m going to go around to a pensioner with some huge mansion they brought in the dark ages for two shillings and a magic bean and say ‘Hello little lady, how would you like to live in the worlds largest cardboard non-functioning Carriage Clock’.
So I was basking in the eternal love of the lord (whilst touching a blood mobile) went I saw this policeman beating the shit out of the poor Israeli guy. And I’m shocked too see this appalling show of Violence, so I go “what the hell are you doing.” And he just gives him a swift knee in the nuts and turns too me and says, ‘Don’t you know, Israeli is the new black’ so I joined in!
But I haven’t always been on such good terms with the police. One Night, I was Joyriding this Pensioner (With a carriage clock on a stick), when A squad car starts chasing me, So I start beating her (grutrude) a hard as I can with her walking stick but the police were still gaining on me. So I think to myself, What Would Justin Do? 650 hour of community service apparently.
I’ve been Justin Timberlake, See you all in Hell